Something below the surface
To much left unsaid as I stare at the grave
Someone died that day
Someone I could save

The avoidance of pain
Nothing will ever be the same
The guilt, the shame
It tore me apart
Still does today

The tombstone a somber reminder
Its ghosts will forever linger
I don’t know what to believe
I don’t know where the body went

the weeds failed to grow
nothing can cover it
its somewhere in my memory
etched in a fractured psyche

these chains refuse to leave me
I refuse to believe they weigh me down
Its been long enough to get over
Somehow I couldn’t pull through

Even If

Even if the hurt’s too much to bear
When storms just keep coming from nowhere
I still hold on to You, knowing You care
Even if it doesn’t feel that way
I’ll believe all You have to say

These words I weakly pray
Knowing deeply that You remain faithful
Creator, Savior, Warrior, You’re able
Here I will walk with You
No matter what I see or feel

These dreams and disappointments that I have
Broken pieces with no endings in sight
Here I trust You who alone can salve
Finding comfort in Your infinite might
I will hold on with what little I have

Even in this time of weakness
Of numerous questions and deep seated fears
I will trust in You, Your love so boundless
Knowing Your grace is somehow made perfect in weakness

i still care, i still want to be there for you
with every sad post comes a breaking heart
with every entry i know i dont know anything
can we just be friends again?

this wait that hurts
the shattered hurt that breaks again
knowing theres someone else in your life
i hoped there was so much more
but im left with your door slammed shut in my face

foolishly i still care, still want to be there
im more confused than ever, lost and in grave danger
i'll just wait, not knowing which way is best
i know im not ready for whats next
perhaps i'll remain this way forever
holding onto something i shouldnt!

so i wait to see if theres anything to it
why cant i forget? is this my reward for giving my best?
my condemnation for soiling your wedding dress
somehow youve moved on so easily
im happy for you, just that it feels to me
my heart wasnt worth anything in weight
to have you move on so quickly, to have you forget me
it hurts, its an act of betrayal.

Lord please bless her heart

I asked for blessing and changes,
You lead towards difficulty and trial
of hurts and a dozen hemorrhages
the stumbling that You say is essential

doesn’t it hurt to see her in pain?
were all prayers said in vain?
somehow I trusted You
but disappointment is all I feel

But You know what’s best
I’ll trust in You to lead towards rest
because along this long journey of life
You alone rule over all our strife.

I asked for so much,
knowing You’ll give her more than anyone can imagine
but all she got was Your touch
this the result from salvation from sin
isn't that more than enough?

But I will trust in You,
the God who’s given His one and only Son
no matter what goes on
You’ve given her this Seal
Your Spirit, a Holy guarantee
And its more than I can ever imagine

doesn’t it hurt when questions are asked?
when children throw their hurts at You
and tell You how they feel.
Lord here i trust in You
knowing You know whats best