for sophia

two years on and she's still running
chasing the broken pieces
dear girl, hold them like water
it hurts to see ure no further
than two years before

sophia, im praying for u
it hurts that bad, i wish your first love
went along that much better
sophia, so many care
let Him heal, let it be
its hard i know it is

through the fields and deserts
this life brings, one more scar
on top of many more
smile more, thats the way you are

sophia, dont let the past hurt
dun hide the tears dear girl
let Him touch and heal
sophia, im sure ull find that someone special
im praying for u, and hoping
ull be better soon.

letter box

buried by the dust from time
reading one by one again
feeling the mending
feeling so warm
letters from the past
they never recorded any happy ending

letters to remind myself not to be bitter,
to tell me i've failed, one two and three
regrets and parts of me given and broken
love letters where'smy happy ending?

letter boxes oh so full, once a heart
this heart of mine was like that too
try as i might, search as far as sight
maybe not tomorrow or the day after

love lost, love not found. here i am
writing a sad love song.

count

count one, count twice
not even seventy seven would suffice
the Son of Man has enabled
total forgiveness to be no fable
and upon that cross,
the power of death He disabled

come on in, join in the party
the celebration of life in the fullest
you dont ever have to feel lonely
in the presence of the Greatest
our sins have been far removed

count once, count twice
not even this lifetime would suffice
to know the number of
blessings He has showered
even when giants towered
He has empowered
so that we may not be conquered

tonight

tonight, here by myself
noisy outside but i cant respond
i've run so far so fast
from You and toward You

but i know, i have nothing
apart from You
for what ive gained, what i've lost
are nothing compared to Your beauty

tonight Your light blinds me
once again im humbled by Your majesty
a God who loves so deeply
despite knowing all my sin

take me as i am, drown me once again
Your mercies ever so new,
my sins ever so persistent
Your love ever so insistent

love song

the songs that represent
that bring pieces of my heart
memories that have been stirred
i cant even listen, sometimes
its too difficult

so here i sing, words that dont come out
articulation broken by dreams
that i'm learning to let go off

i cant believe how easily youve forgotten
but its better that way
i cant believe how easily you let negativity in
but its better that way
i cant believe how easily you turn away
how easily im left behind
to ponder, to cry, to wonder

but now in the pile of broken memories
broken dreams an broken pictures
you feel its better that way.

so here i sing, on bended knees
in gravel that cuts so deep
a love song that was, now isnt
to a sun that sets and a winter that dawns
i sing, cause somehow, it comforts me

the love songs that play
they cut into me
this memory
was i wrong to fall in love?
let me back in time, let me undo all the wrongs

oh the pain, the suffering
of a love that maybe shouldnt have occured
a prayer that wasnt answered
a heart thats very much cheated
these tears that fall, coated in blood
of a heart so broken, of a man so in need

and i sing, whispering so
what was once our song
i sing, softly,
where no one hears me.

my apology

so here i am to say im sorry
please accept this apology from me
its the best i can do
but i know the wounds are too much to heal

this my irresponsibility
saying words without thinking
exploding with no sense of my surroundings
i dont know how u'll forgive me but please do

one too many times, expectations held too high
i come crashing down again, from places too high
one too many times, love thats not right
Lord Jesus wont you be my light

so here i am to say im sorry
wont you please forgive me
i cant take this silence anymore
risking this friendship

im sorry i dunno how to deal
i dunno why i still feel
this way...throw it all away...
throw it all away...

and i still grope around for my answers
feeling the hurts deep down inside
stumbling around

im happy for you
that you've got what u needed
the freedom and the healing
the answers too

its just that im left, left alone,
groping, wondering, whats in it for me
so much given up but it wasnt worth it at all
here i drift away, away once more

i stay empty as ever, wishing things were different
they cant get any worse.
call it self pity, call it a childish want for attention
u cant understand it with busyness and on a higher platform.
words alone, words alone cant soothe any hurt..

pierce

how it pierces the human soul
when no ones around to defend and stnd by
i feel it deep within, the shadows overcasing
the reminder of the life i live
and cant get out off
just the four walls, in a world so far off
from ideal.

woman

the other, just as human
beautiful, like a rose
wonderfully made, carefully so
delicate yet ever so strong
love her, cherish her, open your heart to her
offer your listening ear, listen brothers, listen
do your best to notice the little things she does for you
even the routine, be your helper's helper
be decisive, strong against sin, be a man
cry when you have to, pour out your heart when needed
say how you feel, not only what went on
she can see that, she's ever so perceptive
dont watch tv or listen from behind some paper
hug her, assure her, tell her she's beautiful
tell her she's worth it, tell her u want her, and no one else
speak with actions, speak with love, dont criticise
get angry, but dont vent it out, no not on her!
shame not, but encourage more

a woman, how privileged you are to love her
to share your life with her and her with you
how many persons out of many a billion?
such a privilege, not to be romanticised
i want to be ready. someday.

can you ever stop a heart from aching,

how can i miss the biggest thing in my life
more than how i never noticed how you changed your hair
more than how youve got your heart on God
here i go breaking my heart again

its never enough! its always so far away

they always say the young take it harder
my hearts that much softer
disappointed, trying to, trying to get up again
always losing in this beautiful game

how i miss you so, how i havent gotten over you
why why why do i feel the way i do
just to be there or you, to trip over once again
just to get over this pain

can you ever stop a heart from aching and wanting?
how do i keep trusting, throwing and abandoning
its so easy to say but so hard to do
to keep this heart from breaking, wanting, hurting

here i find life
in the cruxifiction of it
i find my crown, when i cast it down
oh the strength and empowerment,
in admissions of weakness

You are holy, i am not
i am worthy, because You died for me
yes You did.
and i am hopeful, in things that are real
because You live, You rose, and live.

my dreams are much clearer, when i give them up
even though it breaks my heart
no wound too great for Him to heal
no tear too painful for Him to make a gem

message

looking through these messages
a reminder of how blessed we are
i have nothing to be bitter about
a love thats true, that God has taken
to make it better, somehow.

and im reminded that
i did not take u for granted
of all the times together
much have i learnt, much i've given.
but its all worth it, of a love that never asks

looking at them, a tear comes to my eye
a question, wats God going to do?
so here i trust once again
for He not only takes, but gives too

the memories behind the messages
the love cherished, and shared
sacrificed and given to the author of Romance
here i give You this pen, our pen.
for You write better, than any lover.

will we get it back? questions abound
even though months have passed till now
how the pain has healed, how far we've gone
miracles still happen, i know they will

and i fall before You
casting my crowns
trophies and adoration
till this place is holy ground

and there will never be another like You
and i praise You, with all i do
even in imperfection, You never turn
You never turn away from me

You know me through and through
You know whats best, i trust
with such an imperfect trust
but You never turn away
You never do, Your mercies pour forth

Your everywhere, whether i acknowledge or not
this earth too small, the universe all but a footstool
yet not too big for all small problems
You stooped down to raise my face
my shame guilty soul
You said to me
yes You did

I love u.
Yes I do.

how did you feel today
when u heard and read the tragedies
did you celebrate? or cry with me
lives lost, it didnt matter
what they sought or believed in
all that mattered, was that they were the same
as you and i, not only human
but loved, missed, cherished

how did you feel today
were you blinded by the scars
or did you forget how to question
do you remember who you are?

here tears that fall, knives that fall
here we fall, humanity shaded in the fall
i forgive you, yes i do
for Christ forgave, so i forgive you.

can i find the satisfaction, to this longing
to this waiting

take me to my knees, break this calloused heart of mine
to give to You whats worthy, recognising theres not much i can give
just me, just me
these tears that will one day become gems in Your hands
mold me, break me once again, i've nothing to lose
once i've got You

every night with the pain, i turn to You
and i find more than what i need
i've got You

amidst the broken pieces, here on bruised knees
with my broken restless heart
the rain of tears, of all fears
more than all of these, Your healing rain
and i wait upon You, with this restless desire

This Run

and i know i dont run alone
even though these nights tell me so
the race for the crown that He will give
and i will cast at His feet
for it is by grace i will reach the goal

jesus such a sweet name
a friend who runs with me
who carries me through when the storms
when the battles take their toll.

forgive me for seeking You
when the times are bad and forgetting
that You run with me in the good
here i am, change and renew

and i adore You, need You closer to me
i know that even though my heart is broken
no matter how i feel, its You who carries
and i love u, because You loved me first

keep me running for You, and when i crawl back
from a lost trip outside, i know You run towards me
i fall in wonder, how a great God would run for me
i love You, thank You for not ever leaving me

this run is worth it, because of You.
yes it is, yes it is.

here i struggle once again, amidst the pieces of my broken heart
i know it wont be easy, my Lord wont You carry me
i've nothing left but You, tell me where to go and i will

with feelings and the desire to be her shoulder
just to be there for her like yesteryear
i know this not Your will but why are my desires so strong?
Lord how can this be i know You have whats best in store

im confused, i want to go on, but here i lie
weakened by these desires, i am not strong enough
will i ever love again? see me through like You promised
mend the broken pieces, i dont know how to carry on

here i kneel once again before You
with all my broken pieces
please put them back, oh how i want You
here my feeble prayers get a worthy Audience
have mercy upon me..

For You

in the night where everyone except me has friends
these days are so hard to get by
and even though look back in question, God is the answer
in the pain of loneliness, one day i know it'll be worth it
cause im saving myself for you

For you,
i dont know now who you are
but i know God will bring us together
and i will love you now
letting God prepare me to be the man i am to be
how far i am from there! but i will press on
for God and for you

to have someone to be there for
to love, to cherish and to hold onto
to say your beautiful and to listen to
and my heart aches for you
but i wait upon God
for you

i dont know who you are
where you are or how far away we are
but one day God will bring me to you
and you to me, till then i wait
for i know His treasure
are often made with tears

i wonder what you are doing now, how you are
its so exciting to think that God will let me meet you

You take me, even though i hurt You
nothing can keep me from You
no matter how much i know
i'll never grasp Your mercies
how You allow me in Your presence
with new clothes to wear,
clothed in the blood of Jesus
how You love, how You treasure
mighty are You, You will accomplish all You set out to do

even though the storms rages, even though i sin and stumble
You are determined, You remain King, Lord of all over.
You uproot the seeds sown in bitterness
may Your name be praised.

cries from a bitter man

i ask why, how can this all happen
what was once so beautiful
now alls left is a broken man longing after someone
who's gone, who's hurt, who doesnt want me around
even though i can be, as was once before

painful memories, celebrations supposed to be due
but now not anymore, its been taken away,
wrenched from my heart, tearing me apart
a soul that has been crippled, limping on

and i ask once again, feeling the bitterness once again
how can you do this, how can You? do you care? do You care?
i dont know how to go one, youve changed so muich of my life
and now youve gone, fearful, im torn inside out

its hard to smile that much, roses that have withered
age where there once was youth
resentment and regret where joy once filled
just a shell, just a faithless man, on his knees
thats what i've become, do you look on?
i cant pretend that nothing has happend.
im not you, i just cant pretend.

and i ask once again, how do i get on
abandoned, left behind, are you there?
are You there? is there hope for me?
what i know is tested, its hard to pass

how could you, how could you, how could you
i never knew, this side of u.