Joanna

have you seen her pretty eyes
no, they're not as blue as the skies
but large enough to get lost in
and they come with a silly grin

here i try to sing a ditty
about this pretty lady
joanna, you sure dont look thirty
surely you're still in poly
joanna, you're still eligible?
i don't believe you're available!

have you seen her smile
takes you for many a mile
vivacious, energetic and passionate
whats there not to like about her?

never needing to squeeze into any outfit
she'll make models jealous with her figure
don't worry about any mess, she's real neat
getting things packed and arranged for sure

joanna brightens my wednesdays
her smile's brigther than the sun's rays
she's pretty beautiful
hey and thoughtful too

here's a girl who doesn't like shopping
but sure loves walking and smiling
sounds like someone i'd fall in love with but such a pity,
im only twenty!

running free from yesterday
the shadows no longer holding
me back from what He has to say
here in HIs love, im flying!

the chains fallen down
set free for so long
yet i was waddling in the old songs
sticking around in the wrong town

seems like everyone's moved on
from winter into spring
or into a new day that's dawned
makes me wonder what life will bring

relationships, studies and exciting ventures
i'm caught waiting, drifting, helpless, hapless
where's my adventure?
no answers abide, im just hopeless

stuck in a rut,
yesterday's memories still kicking my butt
looking forward with legs to run
but this where i am, stuck and not much fun

everyone's got their exciting story to tell
joy, happiness, achievements,
life is just so damn swell
not when im left without much accomplishments

seems everyone's moving on,
when's my turn? i feel abandoned
the wait's been too long drawn
that's gone on far too long
far too long.

Something below the surface
To much left unsaid as I stare at the grave
Someone died that day
Someone I could save

The avoidance of pain
Nothing will ever be the same
The guilt, the shame
It tore me apart
Still does today

The tombstone a somber reminder
Its ghosts will forever linger
I don’t know what to believe
I don’t know where the body went

the weeds failed to grow
nothing can cover it
its somewhere in my memory
etched in a fractured psyche

these chains refuse to leave me
I refuse to believe they weigh me down
Its been long enough to get over
Somehow I couldn’t pull through

Even If

Even if the hurt’s too much to bear
When storms just keep coming from nowhere
I still hold on to You, knowing You care
Even if it doesn’t feel that way
I’ll believe all You have to say

These words I weakly pray
Knowing deeply that You remain faithful
Creator, Savior, Warrior, You’re able
Here I will walk with You
No matter what I see or feel

These dreams and disappointments that I have
Broken pieces with no endings in sight
Here I trust You who alone can salve
Finding comfort in Your infinite might
I will hold on with what little I have

Even in this time of weakness
Of numerous questions and deep seated fears
I will trust in You, Your love so boundless
Knowing Your grace is somehow made perfect in weakness

i still care, i still want to be there for you
with every sad post comes a breaking heart
with every entry i know i dont know anything
can we just be friends again?

this wait that hurts
the shattered hurt that breaks again
knowing theres someone else in your life
i hoped there was so much more
but im left with your door slammed shut in my face

foolishly i still care, still want to be there
im more confused than ever, lost and in grave danger
i'll just wait, not knowing which way is best
i know im not ready for whats next
perhaps i'll remain this way forever
holding onto something i shouldnt!

so i wait to see if theres anything to it
why cant i forget? is this my reward for giving my best?
my condemnation for soiling your wedding dress
somehow youve moved on so easily
im happy for you, just that it feels to me
my heart wasnt worth anything in weight
to have you move on so quickly, to have you forget me
it hurts, its an act of betrayal.

Lord please bless her heart

I asked for blessing and changes,
You lead towards difficulty and trial
of hurts and a dozen hemorrhages
the stumbling that You say is essential

doesn’t it hurt to see her in pain?
were all prayers said in vain?
somehow I trusted You
but disappointment is all I feel

But You know what’s best
I’ll trust in You to lead towards rest
because along this long journey of life
You alone rule over all our strife.

I asked for so much,
knowing You’ll give her more than anyone can imagine
but all she got was Your touch
this the result from salvation from sin
isn't that more than enough?

But I will trust in You,
the God who’s given His one and only Son
no matter what goes on
You’ve given her this Seal
Your Spirit, a Holy guarantee
And its more than I can ever imagine

doesn’t it hurt when questions are asked?
when children throw their hurts at You
and tell You how they feel.
Lord here i trust in You
knowing You know whats best

and i wanna see You move mightily
in the lives of those around me
Lord with every prayer i rise to You
may the answer be a resounding yes

these prayers i raise to You
Lord i hubly ask of You
to move mightily, swiftly and victoriously.
here i will be on bended knees
to raise the deepest cries of my soul
knowing You listen, knowing Your in control

and i wanna see Your presence overwhelm
to see You move and bless beyond the spiritual realm
these prayers i know go somewhere
i praise You for You never forget
You hold on ever tightly, and in You i trust

Is this how it was meant to be?
This wait, this trial for me
It’s a challenge to stay sober
Lord I just can’t go on any longer

The valleys last too long
The shadows grow too cold
I strain just to sing Your song
The pain, it burns me so

How can I go on when I strain to see You?
Its tougher than how I feel
The storm clouds suffocate and cover
How do I find joy when I suffer?

But I will remember what You have done
The blessings and how You carried me
Somehow one day I’ll see the sun
And I know You’re doing so much more than what I can see
For I know not the wonderful plans You have for me

And I will sing,
Even when the storms close in
Though I grow weak and weary
I know Who will carry,
Yes I know Who loves so deeply

So once again I come before You
Emptied like never before
Its so hard to be still
Amidst the tears and sores
But I know You understand
And its in You I find comfort
In the Son of Man,
In He who doesn’t turn away the hurt

Blue Rose

Don’t come too close to me
I’m afraid of falling in love with you
Don’t go too far away as well
I want to know everything about you

It’s just the way you captivate
I can’t fall in love now
Not before the answers have been said
Yet I wish I could see you for more tomorrows.

And I just want to spend sometime with you
To come closer than this wide divide feels
If you move so far away, I understand
Perhaps the most unattractive, is a divided man

Don’t be concerned with what anyone says
I think you’re beautiful, in so many ways
More than how words can capture
But I don’t think we’re meant to be together

Don’t come too close to me
Be weary of me
I don’t want to hurt you
I love being around you
I just don’t want to fall in love with you
But I can’t help but like you

elissa

the feelings just flow
on a night that's grown cold
the feeelings still flow
we'll never ever know
how things were to go

i sit down here today
having gone through the places we used to go
visiting the past, the undelivered bouquet
how am i to go through these pained hellos?

the emotions still run high
upon the hearts' long drawn sighs
i long for the sparks that use to fly
but i'll never ever know now

i go on my knees tonight
feling the pain in our hearts
if you'd sk me, i'd say im alright
but we both kow, we've fallen apart


*inspired by elissa's notes*

the months and days will go by
this hope i will keep
close to my heart and in my prayers
i dont know how things will turn out
as i wrestle each night with God

it felt like the end was too sudden
like there was much more to go.
im praying im right
that somehow i'll get to hold your hand
and walk by your side again

the years may even swing by
i dont know how long i must wait
the battles i will face
the fights that will scar
that the Lord will fight for me

so here i am, somehow believing
and somehow even if im disappointed.
i know He is still the God
that gives and takes away
and has given such a great gift
one who died so willingly for me.

hurt

once again in brokeness i approach your throne
to find peace and mercy that flows
washing away the shame and pain
these pieces i carry to you
knowing that somehow you know whats best

no matter how i feel, no matter what happens
here i wait, yes Lord i wait for you
in brokeness, in tears sometimes in hot anger
somehow you still love me, through christ
you make the valleys rise

in this hard season of time
the dry times and painful nights
i know you have my future in sight
yes you care yes you love me
even when i dont feel like its so

chaffed and bent over
with this time to wait upon you
Lord i dont know what to do
but to stay here, to stay by you

seashore

footprints in the softsand
a long way to become a man
many more steps, many more memories
farther than the eye can see

the sets i see always vary
so many people next to me
these days i grow so weary
but i know one set thats there consistently
Yours that made a mark
upon this often broken heart

the seashells and animals that adorn
little decorations that You paint upo
often spoiled by clutter and pride
yet somehow, its for us You died
when it all ends this i know
it will be a wonderful sight

Lord my heart longs for You
i just dont know how much longer i can carry on
this wait has taken its toll
i thought i surrendered it all
but some burdens remain

Lord i cant see so very far
i dont know why i'm going down this path
the broken road that never seems to end
the character traits that You and i want
doesnt seem to come about

im left with a broken heart
that's taking so long to heal
Lord is there a reason i'm in this alone?
or perhaps i should change my view

Lord i know you walk with me
have mercy and let your grace fall
i cant take it anymore

i will always remember
the times we had together
the times we got it so wrong
and the ties it felt so right

i know its ended but somehow
i know the story hasnt come to a close
who knows how it will end
i hope in fairytale stories
and maybe this will be one too.

the gifts lie astrewn in heart and in the room
i somehow hope against all hope, that we'll be reunited soon
the odds are against us, feelings that were burning
are'nt there anymore
so i wait and hope for the best

i'll be ok when you choose someone else
i'll be happy for you
or i'll try to be hoping the smile
is as real as can be

Blue Rose

the blue rose that likes red
one that captured my eyes
yet still so far away
wishes and mysteries
that refused to be let solved.

is it ever possible to hold you
yet they say you let those who hope
attain the impossible
this distance that separates
my heart from your door
the gentle knocks,
waiting somehow, it my be opened.

blue rose, how very special
the many faceted mystery
that i've walked into
blue rose how far can we go?

Sorry

just wondering how it all should be
the end that never would be
or the words that never meant
its hard to wander

how did you keep it all in
or throwing it away
the troubled nightmares
from the dream, from our dreams

the words never came out right
i wonder how the last kiss should've been
these memories they hurt still
babe do u still want me?

so i walk on, away from the mess
separation brings about
just how much he means to you
i leave, just the way things were

so i dont wanna say goodbye
sorry wont do for the tears that i cried
babe farewell, i'll see you
maybe at your wedding day.

long drawn night, painted on a pretty sky
on a messy table, cluttered and without direction
a strength that cant serve its purpose
desires that have been leashed
a heart that's tired

portraits that remain to haunt
broken glasses that cut superficially
and wounds that heal and the scars that tear
a head that's heavy, a heart that wants so much more

the cold song that sings, amid a distant past
a flame that burnt out, a ighter that remains
fuel that has been poured out
time refuses to light the spark
a hand that holds on too tightly

the cool night, with a gentle breeze
someone divine in the midst
the clutter and the clouded
a sword to pierce the darkness
a light to shine the way forward.