The Last Post

its more than just walking away
or having said all i've wanted to say
i've come to the end of so many chapters
here i leave my past falters

i've come to a close here
i'm turning forward without fear
the sun has perhaps risen
i'm stepping out of my prison

i look back with fondness
these memories i will treasure
this place now a memorial
of all my adventures

here i smiled, cried, laughed, bled
these pieces of me bearing testimony
to all whom i've met
who left their marks on my heart

but alas, somethings must come to an end
this place is no exception
i'm leaving now as a man
perhaps some sort of graduation

here i say my goodbye
no more records of sighs
or happy times or memories
goodbye pieces of existing me.

melt my heart
my words elude me
i just don't know where to start

Last night I dreamt of you
Felt like yesterday we were still happy together
Do I look back too often?
I’m blinded by my own ridiculous hopes
I just want to be with you

To watch you sleep once again in my arms
To be there and tell you that I care
To hold you when the world’s falling apart
That somehow, I’d have your heart

These days we’re far too near
But the distance grows painfully so
I look on with sadness, these tears
Somehow, I’m a source of your fears

I write too much history
Letting it all affect me
Here I lie missing you
Its something I’ve grown too used to.

I’m glad to have seen you and spoken to you
I know you don’t feel the same as I do
I can only hope for the best
And know that someday you’ll waltz away

what do you see
when you look at me
someone that makes you turn away
making you hold back things you're no't supposed to say

such paradoxes make life
i still look on thinking its not over
thus the source of my strife
perhaps to follow me forever

what do you see
this man who once had dreams
a man who now is seldom happy
or so it seems

here i remain thinking about you
am i in love with you or an ideal?
i take myself so far away when you're near
the further i am, the closer i hold you dear.

couldn't you be nearer than this distance
from singpore to tokyo
its too much to take for my soul
i wish i knew far more than appearances

is your heart still broken, have you healed
is your smile just a smile
or hiding something more
i dont want to leave
or does my persistence
rile you?

elizabeth (one year later, and i still love you)

some people say i haven't let go
some people look and say such a poor soul
through this time i've grown way too old
one year has gone by, perhaps way too slow

your name still lingers on my lips
sometimes i awake with the taste of your kiss
i wish there were better scripts
that somehow this will end in bliss

some people say i havent accepted
some people say i'm foolish to have waited
i know this time wasn't wasted
because it was on Him that i waited

liz i wish it weren't so awkward
sometimes at night my heart still hurts
liz i realise its you i miss
i wish i could skip to the ending without going through this

have feelings messed up my psyche?
maybe somethings are so plain to see
but somehow in grief i've missed
all that trasnpired in the midst

is it love or delusion?
i fail to make a proper conclusion

EJ i wish i was where you are
these places bring back more than i can take
it doesnt matter how far
or how many times my heart will break
i still want to be with you
no matter what has been said

joanna

your name fills my mind
thoughts of you that overwhelm
i realise i'm missing you
that i want to be with you

joanna did i ever tell you
how i love getting lost in your eyes?
joanna i wish things were different
that i could hold your hand
and say i love you

tonight i'm thinking of your smile
your laugh, your hair and the way you move

do you still think of me?
what do you see?
one year on,
i'm where i was, perhaps with the same song

letters of pledged love
stored away so close to reach
the pieces that serve
to remind me of what once was

and i shake my fist towards the sky
feeling the rain pouring down
heaven is too far away from my sigh
my anger threatens to drown

here i ask why againe to silence
why the pain, why this mess
one year on and im still here
how much has changed?

i scream i shout but there is no response
this anger that burns, the resentment agaisnt the silence
i look up in defiance
rging against the One who gives me breathe.

Joanna

have you seen her pretty eyes
no, they're not as blue as the skies
but large enough to get lost in
and they come with a silly grin

here i try to sing a ditty
about this pretty lady
joanna, you sure dont look thirty
surely you're still in poly
joanna, you're still eligible?
i don't believe you're available!

have you seen her smile
takes you for many a mile
vivacious, energetic and passionate
whats there not to like about her?

never needing to squeeze into any outfit
she'll make models jealous with her figure
don't worry about any mess, she's real neat
getting things packed and arranged for sure

joanna brightens my wednesdays
her smile's brigther than the sun's rays
she's pretty beautiful
hey and thoughtful too

here's a girl who doesn't like shopping
but sure loves walking and smiling
sounds like someone i'd fall in love with but such a pity,
im only twenty!

running free from yesterday
the shadows no longer holding
me back from what He has to say
here in HIs love, im flying!

the chains fallen down
set free for so long
yet i was waddling in the old songs
sticking around in the wrong town

seems like everyone's moved on
from winter into spring
or into a new day that's dawned
makes me wonder what life will bring

relationships, studies and exciting ventures
i'm caught waiting, drifting, helpless, hapless
where's my adventure?
no answers abide, im just hopeless

stuck in a rut,
yesterday's memories still kicking my butt
looking forward with legs to run
but this where i am, stuck and not much fun

everyone's got their exciting story to tell
joy, happiness, achievements,
life is just so damn swell
not when im left without much accomplishments

seems everyone's moving on,
when's my turn? i feel abandoned
the wait's been too long drawn
that's gone on far too long
far too long.

Something below the surface
To much left unsaid as I stare at the grave
Someone died that day
Someone I could save

The avoidance of pain
Nothing will ever be the same
The guilt, the shame
It tore me apart
Still does today

The tombstone a somber reminder
Its ghosts will forever linger
I don’t know what to believe
I don’t know where the body went

the weeds failed to grow
nothing can cover it
its somewhere in my memory
etched in a fractured psyche

these chains refuse to leave me
I refuse to believe they weigh me down
Its been long enough to get over
Somehow I couldn’t pull through

Even If

Even if the hurt’s too much to bear
When storms just keep coming from nowhere
I still hold on to You, knowing You care
Even if it doesn’t feel that way
I’ll believe all You have to say

These words I weakly pray
Knowing deeply that You remain faithful
Creator, Savior, Warrior, You’re able
Here I will walk with You
No matter what I see or feel

These dreams and disappointments that I have
Broken pieces with no endings in sight
Here I trust You who alone can salve
Finding comfort in Your infinite might
I will hold on with what little I have

Even in this time of weakness
Of numerous questions and deep seated fears
I will trust in You, Your love so boundless
Knowing Your grace is somehow made perfect in weakness

i still care, i still want to be there for you
with every sad post comes a breaking heart
with every entry i know i dont know anything
can we just be friends again?

this wait that hurts
the shattered hurt that breaks again
knowing theres someone else in your life
i hoped there was so much more
but im left with your door slammed shut in my face

foolishly i still care, still want to be there
im more confused than ever, lost and in grave danger
i'll just wait, not knowing which way is best
i know im not ready for whats next
perhaps i'll remain this way forever
holding onto something i shouldnt!

so i wait to see if theres anything to it
why cant i forget? is this my reward for giving my best?
my condemnation for soiling your wedding dress
somehow youve moved on so easily
im happy for you, just that it feels to me
my heart wasnt worth anything in weight
to have you move on so quickly, to have you forget me
it hurts, its an act of betrayal.

Lord please bless her heart

I asked for blessing and changes,
You lead towards difficulty and trial
of hurts and a dozen hemorrhages
the stumbling that You say is essential

doesn’t it hurt to see her in pain?
were all prayers said in vain?
somehow I trusted You
but disappointment is all I feel

But You know what’s best
I’ll trust in You to lead towards rest
because along this long journey of life
You alone rule over all our strife.

I asked for so much,
knowing You’ll give her more than anyone can imagine
but all she got was Your touch
this the result from salvation from sin
isn't that more than enough?

But I will trust in You,
the God who’s given His one and only Son
no matter what goes on
You’ve given her this Seal
Your Spirit, a Holy guarantee
And its more than I can ever imagine

doesn’t it hurt when questions are asked?
when children throw their hurts at You
and tell You how they feel.
Lord here i trust in You
knowing You know whats best

and i wanna see You move mightily
in the lives of those around me
Lord with every prayer i rise to You
may the answer be a resounding yes

these prayers i raise to You
Lord i hubly ask of You
to move mightily, swiftly and victoriously.
here i will be on bended knees
to raise the deepest cries of my soul
knowing You listen, knowing Your in control

and i wanna see Your presence overwhelm
to see You move and bless beyond the spiritual realm
these prayers i know go somewhere
i praise You for You never forget
You hold on ever tightly, and in You i trust

Is this how it was meant to be?
This wait, this trial for me
It’s a challenge to stay sober
Lord I just can’t go on any longer

The valleys last too long
The shadows grow too cold
I strain just to sing Your song
The pain, it burns me so

How can I go on when I strain to see You?
Its tougher than how I feel
The storm clouds suffocate and cover
How do I find joy when I suffer?

But I will remember what You have done
The blessings and how You carried me
Somehow one day I’ll see the sun
And I know You’re doing so much more than what I can see
For I know not the wonderful plans You have for me

And I will sing,
Even when the storms close in
Though I grow weak and weary
I know Who will carry,
Yes I know Who loves so deeply

So once again I come before You
Emptied like never before
Its so hard to be still
Amidst the tears and sores
But I know You understand
And its in You I find comfort
In the Son of Man,
In He who doesn’t turn away the hurt

Blue Rose

Don’t come too close to me
I’m afraid of falling in love with you
Don’t go too far away as well
I want to know everything about you

It’s just the way you captivate
I can’t fall in love now
Not before the answers have been said
Yet I wish I could see you for more tomorrows.

And I just want to spend sometime with you
To come closer than this wide divide feels
If you move so far away, I understand
Perhaps the most unattractive, is a divided man

Don’t be concerned with what anyone says
I think you’re beautiful, in so many ways
More than how words can capture
But I don’t think we’re meant to be together

Don’t come too close to me
Be weary of me
I don’t want to hurt you
I love being around you
I just don’t want to fall in love with you
But I can’t help but like you